The Stay Away From Home Dad

It seems to me like my family has spent the better part of the last two months traveling: NYC, Boston, Baltimore, and finally, North Carolina. It has been a treat to have all these opportunities to see friends and family, to share their love and kindness, and to realize that we have people who care about us all over the place.

On our latest trip, to North Carolina, we got to spend 9 days in my parents' home, and my mother-in-law flew in from California to join us for a few of them. It was a delight to have a whole chunk of time with a whole family to care for Yoni and watch him grow. He started doing a lot of cool stuff on this trip. Like crawling. Sort of. Or hurling himself forward? I don't know what to call it, but it's pretty funny.

If I were teaching a class on human development (ha!!!!!) the following video would be used to teach two important aspects of maturation:
1. The power of the Bible
2. The lure of electronics in the modern consumer era

What this video really says is that from the youngest age, we desire to be close to God, but the capitalist swine that rule our world distract us with blinking lights and cool sounds coming from sleek electronic devices which, the more that I think about it, may very well be a worthwhile distraction from the "Lord of Hosts." I mean really, think about it. Which would you rather have in your pocket when you're broken down in the snow, a Bible or a Blackberry? Hell, the Blackberry could probably hold a copy of the Bible on it. You can pray while you wait for the AAA guy to come pick you up! You CAN have your cake and eat it!

Anyhoo, We really had a good time in NC. We went to Weight Watchers. I know it doesn't sound so great, but their meetings are way better than what we have at home, and having lost a buttload of weight with them, I am really a fan.

We also went to Costco. Yes, I am serious. I frickin' LOVE that place! They have free samples, exercise equipment, electronics, books, flowers and air compressors all under the same roof! And there isn't one within a hundred miles of Ithacold! I felt like a tourist in there.But I wasn't the only one to enjoy myself in Costco. Yoni was enchanted with the cheeses
And Kate was enchanted with Yoni:
The rest of the week was all about relaxing with people we love. We caught colds, ate good food, went for walks, did yard work, read books, and slept late. It was perfect!

It was hard to return to the cold of Ithaca, but our friend Chana and her two boys got us out for a beautiful hike on Sunday afternoon after we returned.
It was quite pretty
but we forgot Yoni's boots, and he had to wear my gloves on his feet:
A little after that, Kate nursed Yoni in the snow.After a while, Yoni just wasn't up for many more adventures, so we warmed up with some pizza and cabbage soup at Chana's. Yummy! Well, we're done with big trips for a bit. Time to bear down in the cold. Happy 2009 everyone!

The Prisoner of Kay St.

He sits alone, looking through the bars and the mesh at the world outside. He contemplates the meaning of words like "freedom," "emancipation," and "dadadadadadadada!" He dreams of the day when he may free himself from the bondage of infancy. Standing up would be a good start. Or even crawling forward.

Yoni Speizer is something of a martyr. With few intelligible words, he speaks a language we all understand. Sometimes.

He is a prisoner... yet he is pampered. Literally. He wears size 3 pampers, and he is spoon-fed. One wonders who is actually in control, the captive or the captors? I recently interviewed Mr. Speizer about his placement in a new containment facility. Here is what he had to say.

He subsequently took my shoe and began to eat it:

I can only assume he is not well-fed by his captors. It is hard to imagine that people are treated this way on a daily basis. You can see how such treatment has turned Yoni Speizer from a kind, sweet child into this:

Baltimore and More

On Sunday, Kate, Yoni, and I drove to Baltimore with one of Kate's co-workers for a conference related to her work. True to form, in spite of all our list-making, we forgot a few things. So everyone get out your baby trip list and add a rain cover for your stroller and swim diapers if you're staying someplace with a pool.

The ride down was uneventful except for a wonderful meet-up with my friends Mike and Annie and their son Alex. We knew we'd be driving near-by on the way, so they suggested a diner right off the highway. It was a real treat because Mike and Annie hadn't met Yoni before. Everone had a good time, and Alex and Yoni had a deep discussion about the pros and cons of digital photography.
Elmo joined in, too.

Since my parents live only a day's drive from Baltimore, they came to meet us and spend a couple days. They didn't have any fun with Yoni at all.
Eventually, my folks had to go home, and Yoni and I were left to our own devices while Kate worked. Our time together was really incredible, and I don't just mean on a personal level. I believe that some of the things Yoni and I did and discussed may very well lead us to a Nobel Prize. Without sharing too many details, I'd like to offer the following clip to give you some insight into the profound nature of the ideas Yoni and I discussed in Baltimore.

We also went swimming. That was a lot of fun because Yoni held me up in the water and I got to splash around! Oh, wait. That's not what happened. But I am sure that there was no one else in the pool, and it was heated, so it felt like we were in a giant bathtub together, only it was chlorinated and no one was naked.

Road Trip!!!!

The last month or so has been full of road trips for the Speizers. In mid-November, we drove to New York City, where Kate had a training for work. It was a great opportunity for us to get out of Ithaca, and a really good time to begin learning about how to take a baby on a trip.

Like one thing we learned about was the baby list. We now have a running list of things we need to bring on a trip for Yoni in order for the trip to go smoothly. The list isn't set in stone, but it gives us a good idea of what we need so that we don't end up saying something like, "Shit! I forgot the diapers!"

The current incarnation of our list looks like this:

Food

Bottle stuff

Disposable Bibs

Spoons

Baby Food

Cereal

Vitamins

Washcloths

Bath

Body Wash

Shampoo

Scrubbie

Towels

Washcloths

Clothes

Sleepers

Pants

Onesies

Socks

Boots

Sweater

Hats

Snowsuit/Jacket

Other Stuff

Burb Rags

Bibs

Lovey

Blankets

Sheet

Books

Toys

Stroller

Ergo

PacknPlay

Diaper Bag

High Chair

Diapers

Wipes

Plastic baggies

Now you might be thinking, "Holy crap! Where do they fit it all?!" But a whole lot of it is standard stuff we carry around. Okay, maybe not the high chair, but a lot of stuff fits in a diaper bag, and you have a small bag for food. Plus, Yoni's clothes are very small.

Oh, wait. Those clothes fit a paper doll of Michael Jackson... Okay, so his stuff takes up a little bit of space. In fact, we're getting a rental car for our next trip, and we are praying they don't give us some little hatchback, because we need to give someone else a ride, and we'd like to think that we can fit everyone in the car with all our stuff. God, if only all the things babies needed were electronic! Then they could be multi-functional and they wouldn't take up so much space.

Anyway, we've learned a couple of other things about road trips, like the mathematical equation for how long it takes to get anywhere:
For every 2 hours it would normally take you to get anywhere, add at least 1/2 an hour to that. That kid's gotta eat, and you are not going to be very successful feeding him without stopping somewhere.
And if you think, "Oh, we're almost there. The baby can eat when we get there." WRONG!!!!! That's when traffic gets heavy and you are going 2 miles per hour and you have 9 miles to your destination and ascreaming baby in the back seat. If you see a rest stop and think, "Hmmmm that's probably the last one for a while," STOP THE CAR!!!!!

Snow Shovels, Chinese Food, Nap Time, & Ms. Pacman

It started yesterday afternoon: a little flurry sprinkling the streets and lawns of Ithaca. A sparkle, if you will, added to a grey day. Sparkle my ass!!! There's like 10 inches of snow on the ground, and it hasn't stopped yet! Okay, maybe it stopped for an hour or two, and it's not snowing as much as it was last night, but I pretty much had my fill after kate and I took the little man outside for about 10 minutes. After that, it's the same white crap I remember running down my back at the abrupt end of a snowball fight 25 years ago. I didn't miss it too much.

But this is Ithaca, and here it freakin' snows. Something about this weather made me want to eat bad Chinese food, and that's what I did this afternoon. Lame sesame chicken with lo mein and veggies at a restaurant that calls itself "The Cajun Cafe." Now I don't know about you, but sesame chicken and lo mein are not usually on the menu with jambalaya and gumbo at most Cajun places I have been to. But hell, I love the free samples of bourbon chicken, so who am I to complain?
Anyhoo, it's the kind of day where you don't really expect to get much done. Like even my stomach is digesting that Chinese food really slowly today! So I am just trying to make it through with Yoni, who just DOES NOT WANT TO NAP!!!!! I'm at that point where I'm like, "Do I let him cry a little longer, or do I finally just give up and go get him?"

Well, maybe I'll play one more game of Ms. Pacman before I go in there.

Dreaming of Joysticks... Oh Wait, That's Not What I Meant

Have you seen the commercial where this kid is sitting around with an Atari joystick in his hand? The kid's a flashback to 1982, and he's talking to his present-day self about his best Christmas-gift memory ever: getting that awesome Atari game system back in '82. "Don't give up that memory!" he's shouting. But the present-day guy gives up his best memory for a new one: a Lexus.

Now maybe I've got my priorities screwed up, but I have spent a lot of time lately hankering for games like Space Invaders, PacMan, Pole Position, The Empire Strikes Back. Hell, I'd be happy with Frogger! Not to mention Pitfall, Donkey Kong, or Combat!
Man, those games rocked! And it wasn't about the life-like graphics, we all knew that! Who cared about the quality of graphics on a game like DigDug? No, it was the pure skill! The timing, the aches you got from pushing at a non-responsive joystick! Okay, I'd give that part up in a heartbeat. But I miss the console! I miss the cartridges! I miss the era!

I'm not saying I want to give up my life situation here. I got it pretty good, but I would be glad to trade in my many hours of Law and Order re-runs for some time with a classic game console and some great games in the evening.

A couple years back, I bought the Atari Flashback II for my father-in-law. It had a couple good games, like Asteroids and Combat, but overall, it had some crap games, man! Hell, Colecovision's Smurfs game was better than most of what they had on that thing.
So what's a guy to do?

Well, I've been doing a little hunting around on the web, and check this out!
The Atari Flashback Portable!! It hasn't been released yet, so who knows how long I'll have to wait? But it looks pretty cool. Unless it's going to carry the same stupid games. I guess what I'm looking for is the opportunity to play all the classic old games on my TV, not my computer, for CHEAP!!!!!

What does this all have to do with being a stay-at-home dad? I dunno, I guess I still kinda feel like a stay-at-home kid.

Abandoning Reality For The Giggle Remote

In light of Yoni's incredible love of buttons and switches and things that go "bing," "dong," or "whir," I purchased a Sesame Street Giggle Remote yesterday:
Freakin' awesome! This thing makes over 35 sounds. It's got Cookie Monster, Oscar the Grouch, Bert, Ernie, Elmo (fake Sesame Street character if you ask me, but he muscled his way into the spotlight), and some cool sounds, including a car, a guitar and a bunch of numbers, whatever those are for! And if you press the button on the side, the googly eyes close and open with sound effects. This thing is first class. Way frickin' better than the fake keys that cost only 50 cents less but only make four sounds! (Though, I will admit the sound of the car starting sent chills down my spine.)

I showed the Giggle Remote to Yoni, and he loved it, too (not that it matters, as long as I like it). He put it in his mouth, pressed buttons, even figured out in a few seconds where the speaker is. I was duly impressed with the universal appeal of this toy.

Until the phone rang.

When Yoni saw how I spoke to the phone and it clearly was speaking back to me, all the cats, guitars, numbers, Oscars, Berts, Cookie Monsters, Ernies and Elmos in the world couldn't attract Yoni's attention the same way. He dropped his remote and literally propelled himself across the bed towards the phone. That's saying a lot for a kid who can't crawl yet.
I'll admit: the phone is damned stylish. I mean, I wish it had googly eyes, but it beeps and rings and lights up, and it speaks with the voices of people I know! It's like it knows how to be them without the people actually being there! God, no wonder he likes the phone! Can you imagine if you had one of these boxes that makes you feel like you are talking to someone you love, who isn't even there?!

Oh, wait...