Book 'Em, Dan-o!

I am not the type of guy who likes to hold onto a book after I've read it. I mean what can I do with it once I've read it? The way I see it, if you own a book, there are only a few things you can actually do with it:

1. Read it. That's good. Until you've already read it, then you're like, "Where do I put this?" Which leads me to number 2:

2. (A little redundant, but I just started a list) Put it somewhere. Many people like to display books on a shelf. Others just like to store them on shelves, the primary difference being motivational. Some of us like to show off books to come off a certain way, (watch a lawyer being consulted on a TV show) while others might put their books in a den, where few visitors come. If it's a good book, that's okay, but someone is eventually going to walk in there. What if you're a little embarrassed by the fact that you enjoyed a particular book?

What if the book just sucked? Where do you put it? Even if it was good, you're not going to spend your waking hours reading it over and over again. You could make a pillow or a jewelry box or a bookcase out of books, or even a small home (though I question how it might stand up to the elements):

I remember when I was a kid, our couch broke, and for the better part of a decade, my parents kept it propped up on law books.

3. You lend your book to someone to temporarily get it off your hands. I guess this is like putting it somewhere, but in a way, it's more clever, because you are telling someone else, "Hey, put this somewhere." I have lent a lot of books to friends, and the more I think about it, the less I want them back. It's not like I am going to read a novel again. There are too many good ones, and I feel a lot better pawning off the job of finding someplace to put another book.

Personally, I am not comfortable with owning books, though I'll admit that there are some books I wouldn't give up so easily. Those are my reference manuals: cookbooks, fix-it books, music books. To be perfectly honest, though, I don't know why I hang onto them. I rarely cook, I can't fix it, and I read music very poorly. Still, these books contribute to my sense of what I'd like to do some day in a parallel universe where I can become a rockstar, carpenter, and master chef.

Nest Friends: Preparing For Baby Speiz

Last week, my lovely wife Kate and I finished our childbirth preparation class, the highlight of which was most certainly when I realized that a C-section is not as bad as I thought. I mean, I am not saying I would want to have to get one, but I had previously thought they cut in a much more sensitive area. It's good to feel like a bit of a dumbass every now and then!

Anyway, we have been setting up furniture, packing up books, and giving away things we don't use in preparation for the newest member of our family, who is expected in less than a month! Last Saturday, we were sorting through clothes which we have received for the baby, and I just broke out in tears. It was the actual holding of these clothes and knowing that my kid is going to wear these things! MY KID! Soon after, I realized that if we have enough of these things, I could have a back-up band! That's when the tears really started to flow.

Kate and I have been working on outfits for the band:

Most days, I think that I am ready for this baby to arrive, but I don't know the half of it! I am not the one who has to pee a thimble-full every nine minutes, or who hasn't seen her feet while standing on them since summer. And I'm still doing a pretty good job of sleeping through the night. I also haven't started lactating, but I am have been cruising the web for advice on that front. This fellow seems to think that if you dress the part, milk will come:

Anything's worth a shot, I guess. In the birthing class, they said that when the placenta falls out, that triggers lactation. That might be a problem for me...

My First Music Video: If My Doggie Could Shit Money

In the winter of 2001, I was living in New Jersey. One day in early March, I got a flat tire. Luckily, I was close to home, so I was able to jack the car up in my parents' driveway. As I was loosening the bolts on the wheel, one was presenting a bit of a problem. I yanked very hard on the wrench and heard a hauntingly loud and eerie sound. I thought it was the bolt coming loose. In fact, it was my back. I was not able to stand up straight for nearly a month, and it was hard to find the motivation to clean up after my beautiful beagle, Benson in the cold winter weather. Each time, I struggled to reach for the ground was a challenge, until I had a vision: I imagined Benson's poop was made of pure gold! A song was born.

Nearly seven years later, my buddy Jason called me up one day and said, "Let's make a video!" Benson was long dead, so we borrowed a dog and a video camera, and Jason made a seminal work of art:

Ballad of the Bees

I've decided that as I create this blog, I am not only going to write new things, but I'll share some of what I have created over the years... my first little tidbit, then, is this little ditty I wrote back in '04, a tribute to endurance:

Ballad of the Bees

All bees must contrive
To share with family their hive.
It's a tight-knit honeycomb cave.

And though there isn't much space,
Each bee has his place,
The position which fate each bee gave.

Here is the case,
In one honeybee place,
Of a drone with the simple name Dave

And his sidekick and mate,
A boy bee named Nate.
Out of thousands, they were merely two slaves

To a queen bee named Kate
Who had chosen a date
For inception before ending her life.

Round the hive went a note,
And it said, and I quote,
“Come and race to make Queen Kate your wife.”

Now Dave was excited,
For he'd been invited
To an occasion so utterly rare.

With a grin on his face,
He said, “If I win that race,
I'll ride her like she was my mare!”

“That's all good and fine,
But on Queen Kate I'll dine
When the race is done,” said Nate,

“For though you're quick at the start,
To win the queen's heart,
One must fly at the steadiest rate.”

With their fate undecided,
A cloud of bees glided
Into starting position to race,

And they followed Queen Kate
Right out the front gate
With most fearsome looks on their face.

Then Kate flew straight up.
“If you want to shtup,”
She said with a gleam in her eye,

“Then it's straight to the top
Of the world and don't stop
Till you get me between my six thighs.”

Dave was determined
To bring Kate to term in
The timliest manner he could,

So he flew high and far
And went straight for the stars,
Thinking, “I'll father those children but good!”

And Nate flew along,
Just singing a song,
On his face, a calm, simple smile.

With no feeling of strife,
Though this race meant his life,
He must have flown two or three miles.

Now the air it grew thin,
And Dave's breath did begin
To grow short and his heart it did pound.

Suffering heart attack,
Dave resembled a sack
As he fell rapidly to the ground.

With his best friend long gone,
Our man Nate did press on,
And soon overtake'd the queen.

And he filled her but good
With the sap from his wood,
The most juice a queen bee has e'er seen.

In the Beginning...

Friends and family have suggested before that I keep a blog, but I've never gotten up the gusto. I could never quite see past feeling like Doogie Howser, MD. Plus, I always wondered if I could go on ad nauseum about myself or anything else, enough to make it worthwhile for readers to join me. I am beginning to realize, though, that if I view this whole experience of blogging from a wider perspective, I can incorporate all kinds of writing, images and recordings, so that I can share various elements of my life without being too boring.



I'm hoping that I can just maintain the habit of blogging enough to keep myself writing regularly and develop the brain muscles to become a proper writer. I would find it an honor if anyone chose to come along for the ride and share their views regarding anything I may offer on this blog. With that said, here goes...